The Beyonce Effect

Years and years of emotional strain and constant comparison between me and others has lead me to this point in my life where its just second nature for me to stand in spoons and judge myself on juxtaposition to the actions of others and I now am ready to ask myself why I do this?

​See, this practice I do is crafted from a theory Richard Dyer wrote about, the Star Theory ‘The construction of identity as god like figures’ . We create such a facade around people we don't know, they suddenly become the ‘Beyonces’ in our own lives. We look up to them for influence and somehow want to obtain a similar personality, looks and want them to befriend us. If they do this, we are in hopes that they accept us for who we are so we can take comfort in our own insecurities and be an unstoppable force. 

I will put my hand up and say I have done this but it's suddenly dawned on me when I stood in a room full of my own Beyonce’s that they are like every single one of us. They have insecurities that shape them, so why does this encourage to shape ourselves? 

Everyone is so self absorbed and care about their entire entity, they forget acceptance, they forget that standing on the dance floor on a saturday night comparing themselves to one another is bad for them, they forget that they are who they are for a reason. 

I said this to my two therapists (big up Mary and Sarah) the thing with the Beyonce effect is that it’s always going to be there throughout our lives. Your ‘Beyonce’ could be Sandra your college in accounts who has two kids, a perfect detached house, drives an Audi TT but the reality is that Sandra’s husband is cheating on her. Your ‘Beyonce’ could be Matt from the Gym who has raging biceps, a six pack, perfect hair and somehow is able to get all the girls but in reality Matt can not fill the void of loneliness he experiences late at night after his tinder girls leave him. Your ‘Beyonce’ could even be your best friend who constantly throughout the years has compared your successes to theirs and wants to strip you down because they feel as though what they do will always be better when in reality, we are all on different journeys and if they are doing that then bin them sis. What I am trying to express is that they will always be there but the power of understanding your worth, your time and your value overpowers any Beyonce that stands in your way. Do you. 

​Until you take yourself out of that fixated realm of ‘Beyonce Effect World’ it is difficult not to fall into that trap and it will take time, it’s taken me years to master. But I now go into clubs and accept me for me, I accept that yes she might be good looking but so am I, I have a good time and let fate take its course. Whatever happens, happens for a reason and you craft your own identity and life. You got this! Fuck your Beyonces (but not actual Beyonce, she is queen).